Uploaded and Unfiltered: Conversations about Personal Growth, Mindsets, and Advice with BIPOC Creators for Creators

Living in the Now for Lasting Happiness

• Jermaine Pulliam • Season 1 • Episode 80

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Reflecting on my 42nd birthday, I was struck by the transformative power of gratitude and the beauty of life's journey. Spending this milestone with my parents in North Carolina for the first time in over two decades was a poignant reminder to cherish the present moment. Through this experience, I've gathered five life lessons that have nurtured my mindset, fostering a genuine sense of peace and happiness. Together, we'll explore how understanding our mind's processing of information can shape our reality and lay the groundwork for a truly fulfilled life.

Rejection can feel like a personal failure, but it's time to flip the script. When I didn't make the basketball team, I learned the profound impact of viewing rejection as neutral, rather than a reflection of self-worth. Letting go of stuck beliefs, like the need for external validation, opens the door to immediate happiness. Happiness isn't waiting for the perfect conditions—it can be embraced right here, right now, leading to a calmer and more content state of mind.

Shifting gears to a mindset of self-affirmation and intentional thinking has been a game-changer. Society's negativity often seeps into our self-talk, but we can break free by celebrating our achievements and vocalizing our desires. It's about moving from reactive thinking to intentional action—asking what can be done now rather than dwelling on the "why." This approach empowers us to thrive in the moment, separating personal identity from career achievements, and practicing self-love. Stay tuned for exciting future episodes featuring guest appearances that promise to keep our conversations fresh and engaging.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome, welcome back to another episode of uploaded and unfiltered. The podcast in which I, your host, remain, interviews another content creator in regards to their journey thus far. For other black creators to hear from other black creators in regards to how they made it in industry or maybe some of the struggles that they are seeing themselves, not only to see hey, you're not the only one doing it, but it is possible to overcome those struggles and do the things that you love in life. Yesterday I had the privilege of privilege, I can't say that word had the honor of turning 42. Not only that, my mom and dad were here in North Carolina visiting, seeing a new house, and it's been about, I want to say, like 20 plus years since I spent my birthday with my parents, and also it was the first year that I was very present and in the moment on my birthday with my parents, and also it was the first year that I was very present and in the moment on my birthday and I got to tell you it was amazing, just being here, being able to like, show off to my parents the man that I have become, the persons they grew up seeing as a little child and I'm a full grown man with my own family, my own house, my own set of rules, problems, lows and all that. Amazing things Like being able to share that moment with my parents was awesome and I'm eternally grateful for it. And it got me on this, on this path of thinking for the podcast I definitely have two podcasts in the chamber, shout out to those guests who were able to do an episode with me. I promise you it's coming soon.

Speaker 1:

But for this episode, I wanted to share a few things that have led me to the mindset that I am in now, and that is I am eternally grateful for everything that I have in my life. And that is I am internally grateful for everything that I have in my life. I feel no sense of stress, I feel no sense of impending danger. There is a ton of things that are happening in this world that could jeopardize my happiness, they could put me in a bad mood, but because of these five things that I'm going to go over, I am happy, I'm calm and I'm present, and I got to tell you this is a far different version of me than maybe two or three years ago. Like my entire life, I've understood certain things about the world, certain things about how we interact with this world, certain things about the world, certain things about how we interact with this world, certain things about perspective, but I never had the words to tell somebody else how I moved to this world and how it makes me. It makes me so happy.

Speaker 1:

So, without any cuts, I'm about to give you my five life lessons that uh, you know what that I've had, I've garnered at the age of 42. And hopefully you get something out of it that is useful and, if not, ask somebody who could get some information from it. So the number one thing in this list was only supposed to be one thing, but you know, as you sit down and start working, sometimes more things come up. But the number one thing that I wrote on my piece of paper and my journal, if you will is that your mind's processing is everything Our mind, the way that our mind processes information, shapes our reality. Your mind creates your reality. I know you've heard that millions of times and you might have just brushed it off as those crazy people talking, but if you think about it, the way that our mind processes data shapes our reality. And OK, for an example, when I was younger I did not get on.

Speaker 1:

The first basketball team that I went out for, I faced rejection. Now, this didn't happen to me as a child, but it's a perfect example. When something happens to you, the way that you react, the way that your mind processes that event, will determine how you feel about it. Will determine how you feel about it. So if you just get rejected, maybe inside your brain you're telling yourself oh, I'm not good enough. That's not true. Your mind decided to process that data is the results of you not getting what you wanted equals. You're not good enough and I got to tell you that happens to a lot of people in this world and it is not you. That happens to a lot of people in this world and it is not. You know it's normal, I'll say that, but it's not helpful. It is not going to give you the energy that you need to push forward and make the things that you want. Something being normal doesn't make it a good thing.

Speaker 1:

But to go back to that rejection, you have no idea why that person rejected you and so, instead of letting your mind go and autopilot and process it, this is where the creative side of our journey comes in, and we can change that to okay that process. That reason I got rejected has something to do with somebody else, not necessarily me. That doesn't mean that I'm not a good person or I'm not good enough because I didn't get in. I have no idea what that person was thinking of when they were deciding to bring me on or not. So changing the processing, changing how our mind processes every event that happens makes rejection less painful and more freeing. It makes it, it gives it a reason because it has nothing to do with you and, honestly, that's the way it is. It has nothing to do with you 95% of the time. So why make it about you?

Speaker 1:

So again, the way that we process data, the way that we process the things that happen in our life, either treat things as a neutral event or a positive event. Either you're helping me move forward and I did something that I wanted to positive, or I made a mishap and I'm learning from my mistakes and I'm taking that data Still moving forward neutral. I promise you, if you can wrap your head around, that, you will be eternally more happy in this life. More happy in this life. So next up, the second thing that I have implemented in my life where the thing that I've been thinking about that has led to my happiness and my calm state of mind is letting go of stuck beliefs.

Speaker 1:

Many people, a lot of people, believe that they need certain conditions to be happy, either motivation, validation or a resolution of the past, like they needed to fix something that happened in the past. It doesn't exist. It's only in our mind. These things I call roadblocks. If you think that you need to be validated by somebody else outside of you to make content, that's a roadblock. You're setting yourself up for failure. If you think you need motivation in order to be happy, again that's a roadblock. That is a stuck belief. There is no reason for us to believe that. There are things that I had to let go of, that I didn't realize I was doing until I sat down and analyzed the way that I think, the reasons why I do what I do. There was something like I can't be happy until blank happened, like that has kept me in a stuck position for so long and being able to just free myself for that and realizing that happiness happens at any moment. It's in the present, it's happening now. I'm happy right now. But when you stop waiting for that perfect condition, when you stop saying I'll be happy when this happens. All of a sudden, you become happy because your brain's not waiting for that time to happen to allow yourself to be happy. Does that make sense? I know it does.

Speaker 1:

We do some crazy shit as human beings, and one of them is putting these verbal mental blocks on ourselves that we don't even realize it. It's so normal for us to talk shit about ourselves in society or to hear other people talk shit about us in society, that we start to internalize that consciously and unconsciously. So stop talking shit to yourself. Let the the world is dying to talk shit to you. Let them talk shit. Let them put the roadblocks up for you. You talk into existence what you want. You want to be happy now. I am happy now. I am grateful for the amazing things that I have in my life and I cannot wait to accomplish the even more amazing things that I have planned for the future.

Speaker 1:

I used to think that I needed external motivation to succeed, but then I realized that if something appealed to me, if something seemed possible, then I just just acted. I just moved towards it. The podcast, creating a podcast seems appealing to me and it seemed possible. And guess what? We're 70 80 weeks deep. It just I just did it. There's no magic and motivation. It's all about how the mind frames possibility. If your brain thinks it's possible, guess what? It's going to be that much easier for you to achieve it. Dropping science here. Oh y'all, I'm dropping knowledge, I'm preaching to you. I hope y'all are listening, because if you want to get into a state of just happiness and not needing motivation to move forward with the things that you want to do in life, you better be writing notes. You better be listening to this multiple times.

Speaker 1:

Next up, and one of my favorites is intentional thinking over reactive thinking. I'll say that again Intentional thinking. Intention is like the bread and butter of life to get what you want. We are, as a society, no longer intentional about most of the things that we do. We are very reactive. You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1:

Introspection often feels productive, but that shit can be a trap. Instead of analyzing why you feel stuck, you can focus on what needs to shift. Does that make sense? For example, when I first started creating content, I used to overthink a lot why do I procrastinate? Or why do I feel like an imposter? But that interest was I interpret, but that wasn't helping me. Instead, I began to ask what's. Instead, I started the thing. What's one thing that I can change, that I can do right now? That shift from why to what made all the difference. Changing things to what can I do right now, instead of asking yourself why, why is a endless loop of imagination answers, and I'll say that again. If you ask a child why? Or you ask, ask me why, I can give you a million answers until you tell me to stop. But if you ask what can I do right now, it narrows down the possibilities because there's only so many things that you honestly can do in the given time that you have. And that takes the funnel that your brain is looking and it just zeroes in on possibilities, what's possible, and your mind and loves that. So try asking yourself what you should be doing next and keep it. Keep it present. Don't be trying to do shit that's like four years in the future, because you can't do that. It's not a and you're only giving yourself crazy dreams because your brain loves things that are possible.

Speaker 1:

Next up we have I didn't know exactly what to call this one, but basically letting go of emotional baggage or not allowing emotional baggage to put itself on you, put itself on you. So let's say you failed a project at work. Emotional baggage would be you reflecting on yourself what kind of person you are because of this project that failed at work Um what? But let me be honest. So the reason why I am where I am today is I definitely didn't realize at the time, but I put a lot of stake and meaning behind the career that I had in life. Because I don't know if you realize it Anytime you go anywhere.

Speaker 1:

One of the first questions strangers ask you if you're like in a social situation is what do you do for work? Questions strangers ask you if you're like in a social situation is what do you do for work? What do you work at? Because we've been programmed to believe what we do for work, or where we work at, equates to the value we have as people, and I can't tell you enough that that is bullshit that has no basis in truth. It doesn't matter where the fuck you work. You are a human and your value does not come from the shit that you do for nine to five.

Speaker 1:

I didn't realize that at the time, so I was busting my ass at the place that I worked at. I came in as lead, I became manager and when I got to manage position, I looked up and saw how many more places I had to go. And essentially and here's where the emotional baggage came in I had this idea. I was like you know what fairytale. I was confident in my skill set and the idea I had in mind was I to move to charlotte which I did anyways fuck you old job but to move to charlotte and manage the team here while also managing the team in florida. And it was we. We talked on remote sessions all the time.

Speaker 1:

I'm a child of internet, discord and slack. That's my two best friends, like I do the internet. I know how to manage people over the internet, all that fun shit. But the director at the time shot that shit down and I gotta tell you this number four, like not allowing emotional baggage to sit on you. Her telling me no, I don't think you're good enough at the time is because she was a. I put her high on the pedestal. She was doing some things in the apartment that I did not think were going to happen ever in my life while I was there, but it were happening and there were things that I was excited about and I was like, yeah, she gets it.

Speaker 1:

But so for her to tell me, nah, motherfucker, you were not good enough for that like destroyed my ego, destroyed my sense of self, because I had wrapped so much of me in that job because I was fucking good at I'm still good at it like it, computers, like one in the same motherfucker, like we do this. So for somebody to tell me now you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, when the entirety of my life, like I knew that was the one time like that somebody else's opinion fully pulled me out of my mental and just had me sitting there looking at my all stature as if I was a child and just looking like bitch. You don't know nothing. Fuck me up. I'm better now and I'm glad for that experience because it taught me here's the reality of it. She was not that talented at her job, but regardless, it doesn't matter what she said.

Speaker 1:

It all depends on what I think about myself. If I put too much stake in what other people think about me, this is exactly what's gonna happen and from that life lesson, I promise you that shit ain't happening again. I don't give a fuck what nobody thinks about me as long as what I think about me is reality. And if you rock with me then you will see that reality. And if you don't rock with me, you're going to come up with a different opinion, and I don't got time for that shit. Your opinion about me does not affect me in the least bit, and it took a while for me to get here. Affect me in the least bit and it took a while for me to get here. And I cannot wait to teach other people to get here.

Speaker 1:

Because when you have this superpower of acting authentically and making content that you love because you love it, and you don't give a fuck what any naysayer says or anybody giving you bad feedback like bad feedback in the purpose to hurt your feelings, not to be like, not to give feedback, not to help you hurt your feelings, not to be Not to give feedback, not to help you on your journey, but to try to cripple your journey Fuck that. You don't have to worry about that shit anymore. And that falls nicely into my next and last Subject matter is practicing self-love and understanding the power of clarity. Self-love isn't about love or affirmations, any of that bullshit. It's about seeing yourself clearly and releasing unnecessary guilt or shame. If you're not doing anything in this world to actively hurt or harm people, you should never feel guilty or shame about anything that you do.

Speaker 1:

Big side note I you come to my house and I'm done hanging out, like if you're staying over my house and unfortunately my parents like this and I think because they know me it is what it is but when I'm done hanging out, I'm gone, like I don't give a fuck that you came over for hours and you're like, if you need something to do, let me know, but I'm I don't feel any like guilt or shame and knowing that, hey, I'm done here and you can ask my friends like when I'm done in a situation or I'm done hanging out nine times, I intend I just bounce. Sometimes I say bye, yo'm out, I'll tell her later. No, no, no one more. Nah, fuck, that All the Marvel Rivals has. Anyways, getting rid of guilt or shame and, again, not acting maliciously towards people, it just frees up that energy so you can use that energy to bless somebody else or work on your craft or anything Like.

Speaker 1:

I used to think I had to beat myself up to grow. I thought I need to like go through a bunch of bullshit, but compassion compassion as a teacher, as a student, as a manager, as a father, as a husband compassion is what helped me do my best work. You know what I'm saying. Self-love isn't about like thinking that you're better than somebody or pampering yourself. It's about respecting your own effort and valuing your time. If everybody had self-love, you would be in control of you, worrying about your effort and your time. Then we will all get along. I feel like if everybody was worrying about play when you, it's crazy. I hope that makes sense.

Speaker 1:

But again, being clear, seeking clarity when I'm talking to my wife, if there's something that she says I don't understand, I get that clarification instead of trying to go off of okay, I guess she meant this, no, or if I can see that she doesn't understand something that I said, I explained. So yeah, those are my five things that I have come to learn the ripe age of 42. I'm sure there's more things that I need to learn. There are a lot of skills that I cannot wait to harness, but so far so good. But I want to leave you with this. If there's anything that I learned, it's that happiness and success aren't about what happens to you. They're about what you do with what happened. So again, things don't happen to you, things happen, and then the way that you decide to let your mind process that information, process life, that's when things are going to change. I'll say it again, slowly Happiness doesn't come from the way that life does things to you or how life happens to you. Happiness is about what you do with what happens. How you interact with what happens in the world will determine your happiness level.

Speaker 1:

So, as always, if you haven't already, go ahead and like the show, share this with a friend and leave me a review. And here's a reflection question for you to either deem it to me, you can send it into the podcast, you can call me you don't have my phone number, but if you see me in real life, have this ready for your answer. What's one belief or habit you've let go of recently to make your life better again, what's one belief or habit you've let go of recently to make your life better? And whatever that is, let let me tell you that your future self is thanking you for making that change. So with that, I appreciate you, as always, thank you.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to go ahead and end this. Is there any edits in this podcast. I don't know, but I really want to play motherfucking Marvel Rivals with the homies. So I'm going to make a thumbnail, make a little title and throw this thing up. Next week we will have a guest, I promise you, maybe even the week after that. Anyways, thank you again for listening and, as always, protect your mental, keep creating content and I'll see you in the next one. Peace you.