Uploaded and Unfiltered: Real Talk on Healing, Creativity, and Mindset for Black Creators

Success Through Spite: How Rejection Fueled an Empire [Guest: BlaqueLotusGaming]

• Jermaine Pulliam • Season 1 • Episode 98

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What happens when someone refuses to accept "no" as an answer? Black Lotus Gaming's journey from homelessness to game studio ownership reveals the extraordinary power of determination and self-belief.

This conversation pulls back the curtain on a creator who's built an impressive career spanning multiple industries. Starting with chaotic PlayStation 4 streaming sessions, CC developed expertise that led to positions at gaming giants EA, Rockstar, and Riot Games, working on blockbuster titles like Red Dead Redemption 2 and Mass Effect Andromeda before founding her own studio. The studio wasn't just a business—it featured an in-house daycare and personalized workspace art for employees, embodying her vision for what a workplace should be.

Throughout our conversation, one theme remains constant: the refusal to accept limitations. Whether facing industry obstacles or personal challenges, CeCe transforms rejection into motivation, proving doubters wrong through consistent action and unwavering self-belief. For content creators feeling stuck or limited, her message is clear: don't give up, stop doubting yourself, and understand that failure is simply part of the path to success.

You can follow CeCe's Journey here:

Twitch https://twitch.tv/blaquelotusgaming 
Twitter: BrazillyGotIt

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Speaker 1:

Welcome. Welcome back to another episode of Uploaded and Unfiltered, the podcast, in which I, your host Jermaine, interviews another content creator in regards to the journey thus far, like most episodes, tonight I have a special guest. Before I get her on the line, I'm going to read her bio so we can get a bit of information about her, and then we're going to have an amazing conversation. Stacey is a Black content creator with a background in the video game industry and has helped others break into the industry and is currently starting her own studio. In addition to being a game developer, she's a chef, a tattoo artist and a mentor to the youth, especially young black boys. Although she's a bit bashful, once you get to know her she is fun, chaotic in a good way, and always down for the vibes, and, with that stumbling through that, I got through it, though, and it sounded good. Anyways, welcome, tc. Welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 2:

How you doing. You did good. Well, I'm fine. We won't even acknowledge that.

Speaker 1:

Listen, it's earlier than I usually do this. I'm a night owl, so the daytime shit be catching me off guard.

Speaker 2:

You, I don't like doing anything in the daytime, and yet I always pick, pick to do things in the daytime.

Speaker 1:

Hey, that's when we show up. It doesn't matter what time it is, we're going to do it. So how is your?

Speaker 2:

day going so far. It's good because I slept most of the day that's what's up, damn, all right. Well, fuck it, let's just get into it I woke up two hours before that, so I said let me get my ass up and get ready cc, aka lotus.

Speaker 1:

That's how I know I came into your world through black lotus gaming. So I'm interested in how did you start your content creation journey? What? What's your origin story?

Speaker 2:

So my origin story is when the PlayStation 4 first came out and me and my fiance at the time they used to have Ustream that you could watch broadcast when the PlayStation 4 first came out and it was like so chaotic Comments, talk about, please show feet. And so me and my fiance was just like we should start making game videos, because I got him into playing GTA, because I got into playing GTA on a PS3, because my fiance then was neglected me and I said you know, let me pick this game up so we can play together. And then I got the new guy on it and we're playing. So we used to upload videos to like youtube and stuff. And then from there I was just like, well, twitch became a. Well, it was justin t dot tv then and I was streaming in and then it switched over to twitch and they got rid of you stream on a playstation. So I streamed on twitch.

Speaker 2:

I tried to do uh evil within and it was a bug in the game that I couldn't get past. I was just stuck. So I was like never again. And then I like developed, and then I streamed GTA and then I developed a stalker who ended up being the ex. I was first playing GTA with what, oh my God? And he went by a different. He went by a different, he went by a different name, and I'm just like you're a ball player.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Go have fun with your millions and leave me alone. Okay, but so that's how I got into it. That's how I got into it. Playstation 4. Playstation 4. All because of Ustream and the comments going please show feet. The juggalos on there. The juggalos on there, the couples on there fist fighting each other.

Speaker 1:

It was a time.

Speaker 2:

Was it 2014? 2015 was a time on PlayStation.

Speaker 1:

I forgot about Ustream. I've seen some things on Ustream On the PlayStation. You just boot up that app and you're like, oh, I have screenshots still in my gallery.

Speaker 2:

What? Yes, that's wild. I still have my PlayStation 4.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so hold on. You saw this and you were like, hmm, I'm going to do that. How did that logic jump?

Speaker 2:

happen. I was just like we would just sit both, turn on our PlayStations, get on the phone and be like yo babe, go you stream right now. Look at this, look at this look at this, yeah, and we would just we wouldn't do play any video games. Sometimes he would stream the order 1886 for me, but we would sit and watch the crazy shit on you stream. That was, that was my reality tv, okay, it was that makes sense.

Speaker 2:

Girl's boyfriend went to go get food for her and her friends and she's just sitting there chit-chatting with everybody. When he got back, every all the viewers was like she was showing us stuff. She was shaking ass, which was a lie. It was a complete lie. They got into a fight and she beat his ass and me and him are sitting eating chips and popcorn.

Speaker 2:

We're like yo, babe, you see this? This is wow, this is crazy. Why do you sit? We're like yo, babe, you see this? This is wow, this is crazy. Why do you sit there and lie like this? She got kicked out, though, like he kicked her out his house.

Speaker 1:

But this is crazy.

Speaker 2:

All off the line. I'm just like right, and now I'm thinking about. I'm like I wonder if they had vibes on you stream where he could have went back and watched to see what happened, to see what happened and know that everybody was lying. It was a fun toxic time and that got me into it.

Speaker 1:

That is the most unique way into content creation I've heard in the 90, whatever episodes I've done Congratulations. That blew my fucking mind. What? Oh my God, there's so much to unpack there. But you know what. I'm going gonna stay on topic and ask you where did the black lotus gaming name tag?

Speaker 2:

go okay, so I used to go by fire lotus fire lotus okay so if you ever see me like an online gaming anywhere or any hip-hop message boards, fire. Lotus was my name because I used to do poetry and stuff. I'm really big into hip hop, so like I wanted to be a rapper, even though I was way too bashful by that point to be one so I used to just write a lot and go to the message board.

Speaker 2:

That's where that name came from, but now it's like my alter ego hacking name. So I went with Black Lotus, because my favorite color is black. I'm a black woman. My favorite color is black, I'm a black woman. My brother was a Black Panther, so it just fit. And I actually took the black part from my aunt, one of my dad's baby sisters. Well, she doesn't have the car anymore, but on her license plate she named her Mercedes Black Pearl. So I took the black from her and I kept the Lotus. And then I added gaming, because I'm just really bad with coming up with names for myself. So it was just Black Lotus Gaming.

Speaker 2:

It was just black, and I wanted something different from my PlayStation name, because on there it was Brazilian Goddess, but the goddess spelled wrong and I was just like, well, I no longer lean into that identity anymore. I'm still proud of my culture, but you know, black lotus sounds like a better gaming name than you logging into the playstation to see brazilian goddess like I'm good on that, mind you, I've had that.

Speaker 1:

I've had that name since the ps3 came out so, gotcha, it's still floating around, though, right, you didn't get rid of it no, no, no, my playstation name is still brazilian, goddess, I don't even think I'm gonna change it.

Speaker 2:

Even though you can now, I still don't think I'm gonna change it, you know, just just because I've had it since what?

Speaker 1:

13, whenever the ps3 came out yeah, you gotta keep that yeah over 15 years good lord man, I don't even know where to go next from here. No, we're not going to go there, that's dope. Though I want to talk about that offline, we ain't talking about that here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, wait, yeah, anyways, current mindset. So this is where I ask my guests how are you feeling about your current output as far as the content you're putting out, and where do you yourself in like three to six months, where do you want to take your content?

Speaker 2:

so I'm actually really proud of the content I'm putting out now versus when I tried to do it two years ago, last year, some years ago. I'm being more consistent is my mindset, and I am a very laid-back person. I'm nonchalant, I'd be like, if it happens, it happens, you know. But this is like outside of working, this is the only thing that, like, I'm making sure I'm constant about, and when I'm not going to stream or something, I'm letting my community know like, hey, I'm not feeling it today, I'm just going to kick back. We can watch movies in Discord. But it's the consistency for me.

Speaker 2:

Like I'm very constant and intentional about, you know, my content creation now and I'm thinking about what I want to do, what I want to stream, how this week is going to go, how next week is going to go. Do I want to finish this game on stream? Do I want to just showcase this one or getting game keys? So it's, it's, it's. It's very refreshing. It's a refreshing mindset to be in, because I'm more positive about my content creation, whereas before I was a little bit more pessimistic about it, like, oh ain't nobody gonna come and watch and listen to me ramble or not ramble and just play a game, cause sometimes I just like to chill while I stream and play and if I see a comment you know I'll engage. But I never force anybody to like engage in conversation with me.

Speaker 1:

Facts yeah. So the the goal is to stick with that consistency and going for. Are you going? Are you doing YouTube right now or are you just doing Twitch? I'm just doing Twitch.

Speaker 2:

I do plan on doing YouTube, but I'm going to wait for my Twitch to grow a little bit more For sure. And then, once I feel like I'm ready to go to YouTube, then I'll go to YouTube, but I may just start uploading clips on my YouTube page and then go from there.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's a nice baby step and that helps with growth too. Like I keep forgetting that YouTube Shorts is a thing and I'll throw something up there and it won't do nothing the first couple of days and then all of a sudden it's like oh, this thing hit 500 views. I was like what, why? All right, sure, thank you, I appreciate it. That's dope, one of my favorite parts of the show, where we get to look at our whole content creation journey and pull some information from it. So what?

Speaker 2:

is a lesson that you have learned, because you've started content creation, Building community, not just in your own community, but building community on, you know, whatever platform you're streaming on. I stopped for a few years. I think the last time I took streaming seriously was maybe 2019, 2020. Twitch did something that they said I didn't have the viewers when I did and wouldn't give me affiliate. So I stopped out of anger but I became more of a supporter and I built community that way. Like I hate people I'm just going to say that but I love talking to people and then, like the people that I build a relationship with like I'd be, like I just want to, I just want to play with them all the time, I just want to hang out with them and that's just how I am Like as a whole.

Speaker 2:

I do not like people, but I love being in community with people. It's so very weird. So going to different people stream, meeting people through other streamers, it's very important. It is very important to network, but like more than network, you're building community with these people, because at some point you may become close with these people and you're telling them your deepest, dark secrets. Sometimes, if you're like that and you know it's, I think it's very important yeah, I think it's very important, like networking.

Speaker 2:

You're going to always have to network, but, yes, just building communities, just that's what it is building community.

Speaker 1:

That lesson took me forever to learn because, like you, I don't like people for the most part. But it took me years to realize it's not that I don't like people, it's I don't like people that aren't my people Like people that I vibe with, that we get the same jokes, we get the same games, we get the same mindset about shit. Like it's easy to get along with them because they know, but when you are interacting with like when I was doing the corporate nine-to-five shit and interacting with the random swap, the people like you can't be around. All those people that have that weird ass energy like it's just draining. So I get that me at ea.

Speaker 2:

Me my first year at ea. I didn't really talk to anybody but the people in my pod, and half the time I didn't even want to talk to them because they just didn't get it. I was like they were some nerds, like we all doing the same thing, but I'm not the nerd, you're the nerd.

Speaker 1:

That is Okay, so you brought it up, so I'm going to jump on it. You worked at EA. I worked at EA.

Speaker 2:

I worked at EA, I worked at Rockstar and I worked at Riot Games as my AAA studios and then I worked at Indie. My last studio I worked at was an Indie studio last year.

Speaker 1:

Hey, man, hold on. It says in the description that you was a game developer and I just glossed over that. So, game developer, are you writing code? Are you doing stories? Are you doing level design?

Speaker 2:

I'm more of an engineer, but I prefer to be in the QA realm.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Because finding bugs is fun, but also I cannot play a video game without seeing a bug. So now I'm kind of like a casual gamer because I'm just like, oh, there's a bug, there's a seam right there, the environment is clipping right here. Why is it doing this? This is not responding to the input that it's supposed to be, and it's very taxing on a gamer once you work in this industry and so, like I can't play the harder games that people play because I'm just like no, this is all wrong. Nope, this, this should be here, this should be, here.

Speaker 2:

This ui is messed up. This is very stupid, this is very clunky, but uh, I can. I can do both. I can either be an engineer like a back-end engineer, or I can do qa gotcha.

Speaker 1:

That's awesome. Uh, 2010. My name is in the credits of madden 2010 because I worked in the qa team for that game and hated every moment of it. Because I hate football.

Speaker 2:

I did Madden too. I worked on Madden 17, 18, and 19. My brother also worked for EA Back around, I think, in 2010.

Speaker 1:

Was he at the Tipperon?

Speaker 2:

studio. He wasn't at the Tipperon studio Because that would have been nuts. He was at the Marina Del Rey studio studio because that would have been nuts. We were. He was at the marina del rey studio gotcha okay or the hermosa beach, whatever they want to call that area, because it's really just venice beach. No, um, yeah, so I did madden 17 and 18. Before I actually was put on madden, I was on mass effect andromeda so my friends told me not to play that game.

Speaker 1:

I love mass effect. One, two, three. And they said don't play the fourth one.

Speaker 2:

It's such a good game.

Speaker 1:

It really is a good game are you saying that because you worked on it? Okay, give it to me, yeah however, it does feel unfinished.

Speaker 2:

And I was talking to one of my good friends about it, you you know, yesterday, when he called me he was like, yeah, that game is stupid, like it's a good game, but it's just stupid because there's so much unleft story. And I'm like, no, yeah, I agree, they should have took the testers off or just shut down the services for it after it was released, like the day it was released. After it was released, like the day it was released, the day it was released, everybody went to Madden, you either went to Madden, or you went to Live, or you went to Origin.

Speaker 1:

Damn, I forgot about Origin. Is that still up? No, they changed it to EA Desktop or something.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, something stupid.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm having nostalgic thoughts of working at Tiburon. So I was a contractor. This is the crazy part. I was too.

Speaker 2:

I was too when I first started out, but it was through what was Pro Unlimited? We had Pro Unlimited down here and I was a contractor and I was like I don't want to be a tester the entire time. So MIT had free courses. It was edX, edx. You can go through edX, take free college courses and pay 50 bucks for a certificate. Really, yes, it's still like that, and that's what I did they have MIT, they have Harvard, they had Dartmouth, like Yale.

Speaker 2:

They have all the colleges on there Stanford, wow, and I took a computer science course and then I ended up actually enrolling into MIT and being an actual student. Okay, but by the time I left EA, I was a team lead.

Speaker 1:

That is amazing.

Speaker 2:

And I was an RF and I was a regular full-time employee at EA, Not a contractor. Oh my God, I used to cuss out the leads and the managers when I was just a tester, because I just was not, I wasn't going to play office politics with them yeah, I can't even imagine and they, they loved me. I think they had a, I think they had a kink for me, just like cussing them out all the time yelling at them and be like yeah, because they're not coming with food like hey guys, come eat this food that I made you all want

Speaker 1:

some cookies and stuff you're're tiny yelling to something positive. So when they hear it they're like, oh, we're about to eat.

Speaker 2:

Like one of my team leads. There was like some flirtation going on because I kind of had a bit of a crush on him, but he just liked when I cussed him out He'd be like oh yeah, okay, you're right, and I'm like what is going?

Speaker 1:

on here. He's like hold on man right, and I'm like what is going on here? He's like hold on man, why are you smiling?

Speaker 2:

Like I don't like this. I'm getting away from you now. You want to go to lunch.

Speaker 1:

That's crazy.

Speaker 2:

I'm eating my lunch here with my friends.

Speaker 1:

Get away from me. That is funny, man we were. I was one decision away, I think. I ended up not getting the job. So the plan was I was in qa and I just had graduated. So I was going to go into a, an analysis role because I did program. I used to, I don't do that shit anymore. But I also wanted to go to pax eat, pax west in seattle, and they wouldn't give me like two days off. So I was like all right. So I ended up going and when I came back they had laid off half of Tiburon or like they laid off a bunch of people. And they were like well, there's no position because we had to lay some people off. And I'm like all right. And then I just I'm never going to work in the game industry on that level. So that's, that's wild that you did so congrats. I have so many questions, you fucking opened up a can of worms.

Speaker 2:

I forced my way into becoming a QA director because that was the last position I was was a QA director.

Speaker 1:

That's awesome. It made it happen.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like usually I'm like a head down, just do your work and get done type of person, which was my first year at EA but I'm just like, no, this has to change. Like, so, let's do this, let's do this, let's do this. And then I went and you know my man, one of the managers, I love, brett with his balls up. He used to walk around EA, have hair patches and wouldn't shave it and people used to laugh at him. I'm like, don't laugh at him. But the funny thing about Brett was he was loud, he we, he did not care. He'll be all over in the Sims Bay and he'll come over to the Madden Bay. He sees me and you could just hear him like across the building and we would just giggle. I love, I love Brett. That's awesome.

Speaker 2:

We ended up working together at Riot but he told me he was like you want to take a course on it? Go ahead. You want to start building your game? Go ahead. Don't tell us I'm giving you my blessings to start working on your own game. And that was in 2019, and my contract was about to be up anyway, and I had got a job offer to work at Santa Monica Studios. Ooh. And I didn't take it it because I started up my own studio.

Speaker 1:

Yes, all right.

Speaker 2:

But yeah. So, yeah, they were very supportive of me that's.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing, because that's not normal, it's not Usually. They're like if you work on a game here, we own that shit.

Speaker 2:

So you better not work on it. And he was just like go, If you want to do it, do it.

Speaker 1:

That is dope. See, man, the power of having people in your life that are encouraging and push you to do something. That's a big-ass huge difference.

Speaker 2:

Not everybody needs it, especially as a black person.

Speaker 1:

Yes, that's what. I'm about to say you went in there and you was like no, I'm going to this level. You went in there and you was like no, I'm going to this level. That in the gaming industry, in industry, but especially the gaming industry, that's rare as fuck. Congrats on that. And then so you open up your own game studio. All right, how's what's that looking like right now?

Speaker 2:

so the one I opened up previously is defunct. Like okay, I had somebody come and steal a game I was working on which I was actually supposed to showcase that evening with the big studio. That employee gave my game to that studio, so that was like a whole lawsuit for like a year or two.

Speaker 1:

And I got a settlement.

Speaker 2:

Once I got the settlement and the game back, I just went defunct. I was like I'm not putting this game out, I'm not going to work on this game anymore. The settlement money I got I gave it to my employees, which at the time I had four minus the one who stole the game. I own her for life. Whatever job she gets, her check gets garnished unless she's getting paid underneath the table. It comes to me because it was in her contract Seven figures and you're getting sued.

Speaker 2:

She got sued and the studio threw her under the bus. She was working for them, but working for me too, so she would feed them information, all because I turned them down.

Speaker 1:

Wow and got caught.

Speaker 2:

I turned them down from working for them and my studio was great. I had employees tell me like their favorite anime character, video game character on their applications.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and if they got hired.

Speaker 2:

I actually painted on the wall where in the on the floor that they worked myself those characters.

Speaker 1:

What the?

Speaker 2:

fuck, Just so they know like I hear you. Oh, not the water, I hear you, oh, not the water.

Speaker 1:

I hear you, it's close.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I hear you, I see you. Yeah, here's your character on the wall that I painted myself.

Speaker 2:

So they got all the settlement money. I told them you can either go work for somebody else or you can wait until I come back. But here's the money, and it was a couple million. But a couple of them were parents and I wanted to make sure they were good Because I had a built-in daycare at the studio. I had an actual office building. This was an indie student. Yeah, that I funded myself. Yes, well, I had some investors and she kind of messed up that money, but I mostly funded it myself. I bought the building myself. I actually owned the building. It wasn't even a lease. I owned the building, I paid it off.

Speaker 1:

What the fuck.

Speaker 2:

So the first floor was security check-in, but it was also a daycare. Okay, second floor was where my developers was going to be engineers, QA testers, and all that. My developers was going to be engineers, QA testers, and all that. Third floor was where I worked. It was my office.

Speaker 1:

That's fire. Okay, you had a whole floor to yourself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I had a whole floor to myself but I was usually down on the second floor because I'm that's not me, like I'm very hands on.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so I was always down there collaborating.

Speaker 2:

Half the meetings were emails, because I don't like public speaking and I can just be like, hey, just do this. And if we needed to stand up, we did a stand up and I just went down to the second floor because there was only like five of us working, five, six of us working so. I didn't need no big ass meeting. Just go down there and talk to them and go back up or just hang out, or whatever. And that was my dream. That was my dream. That was my dream.

Speaker 1:

And you did that shit Like it was running and, oh my God, I'm like in awe right now.

Speaker 2:

Now I'm revamping, I'm still working on things. Now I'm trying to get full funding for my studio so I can actually hire people. But just like the last studio, I'm not taking a salary. So now, I'm trying to find a part-time job so I can just, you know, get my salary from that, and then they can just get paid and not have to worry about being laid off due to redundancy or something stupid that these studios come up with now because the CEO is messing up the money.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, I swear that didn't come from a hurt place, but it kind of did.

Speaker 1:

I kind of felt it. It kind of felt personal a little bit, uh, it was very personal.

Speaker 2:

I missed that studio so much. They gave me roof chris that is a studio that got you roof, chris I mean honestly, like for lunch or just like lunch or dinner. That's fucking crazy.

Speaker 1:

And for my birthday man, you just sparked, like my brain is like firing off what I did because you were just saying this like I'm not, I'm not down with playing. You're saying it like it was supposed to happen, like this is what I wanted and this is what I did.

Speaker 2:

And I love that energy because most people are like well, okay, I put it on a vision board like I worked hard for it. I'm not always determined to do stuff, but when I really want to do it, I make it happen and it's gonna happen. Yeah, I feel that, like I understand that it's gonna happen damn that's when I don't take no for an answer and I keep you know. Foot to the ground. Work needs to be done all right.

Speaker 1:

So while we're here and this is a great, I know why I do it, but what makes you push past those no's? I?

Speaker 2:

hate the word no. I think it comes from me just being a spoiled brat, okay, and my father not being able to tell me no. Because I hate the word no, I would literally throw a tantrum.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I still kind of do. But I hate the word no, because that means you're telling me that I can't do it, that it can't be done, and I know it can be and it will be done. So I'm going to do it to show you. I like to show people, I like to make them eat their words. And that's really. It's a really petty reason.

Speaker 1:

I don't like no, a little bit, and I want to make sure you eat your words when I actually do what I say I'm gonna do. Yeah, okay, and that's all it is. That energy is strong, holy shit. I hope you feel it and I hope it's just in you now. Yeah, it's like look what I did, I in spite of your dumb ass.

Speaker 2:

No, look at all, this is me, I did it and then it be like you're the loser who didn't believe, now look.

Speaker 1:

That's funny.

Speaker 2:

On a curb eating your sandwich with no condiments.

Speaker 1:

I think all of us have a little bit of that in us, like once we hit our spot, I want that one person that was talking all that mad shit to see all this. I'm not going to go to them and say anything, but I just want to know that they saw it and they're feeling real dumb right now.

Speaker 2:

You know what I used to do back when I had Facebook. I just used to make sure they seen everything I was doing. Like I'm a very much moving silence type person, but you laughing at me. Opening up a studio when we both worked at EA and we know how those conditions were was especially for contractors and you're laughing and giggling at me, saying, hey, applications up if you want to work for me, okay. So now I'm about to show you everything that I can do.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Now you're about to see these game awards and these plaques that I got, that you couldn't accomplish because you couldn't get a raise or a promotion at EA. Yeah, because you're not me.

Speaker 1:

Damn.

Speaker 2:

You're a hater and you're going to be a hater, and that's fine. I wake up extra early to hate. However, I'm not going to downplay somebody else's success.

Speaker 1:

Right, exactly, and what?

Speaker 2:

they're trying to do. If you're trying to better yourself, I'm not going to hate on that, unless I actually hate you. No-transcript. I hope instead of actual lettuce on your sandwich, it's just grass blades from the front lawn. If you have one, like that's me, if you have one.

Speaker 1:

Okay, good to know. Stay on your good side. Good, all right, fuck it. We're here now. Words of advice Don't give up. I felt like that's straight up.

Speaker 2:

Don't give up, don't give up and stop doubting yourself. Don't give up, don't give up and stop doubting yourself. It is very like, especially in the content creation space we doubt ourselves so much because we have so many ideas and then we think that we cannot accomplish these ideas and that's just simply not true. We're just holding ourselves back because we don't think our community is going to support it. And our community is going to support whatever we put out there, because they just love being around us, so to speak, or just being in a community with us and talking with us and watching us on their screens or on their phones, however they're watching.

Speaker 2:

Stop doubting yourself and just do it and it's easier said than done. But once you get over that hurdle, which is the voice in your head telling you that it cannot be done, you can do it. You stop in you, nobody else, just your mind. Do it, do it and don't be afraid, because you know what's a part of success Failure. I've had so many businesses. Failure is a part of success and you need failure to learn so you can even be even more successful later on in what you want to do. So just do it. Make a vision board, make you some small goals that you know you can accomplish right away, and then work towards the bigger ones. That's all you need to do, and you can do it, you can do it.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Get out of your own way. That's all you have to do.

Speaker 1:

I love that. Oh my God, I've been saying that for the last two years, not probably not a lot. I need to start saying it out loud to people more. But that concept of the fear before you get to success, like if you could just narrow that scared portion of time, like all right, I've never done this before, I'm a little hesitant. Fuck that, just Just do it. Ain't no stopping you, you can do whatever the fuck you want. And let me tell you something.

Speaker 2:

I became a tattoo artist this year in January.

Speaker 1:

Hold on, okay, hold on.

Speaker 2:

No, but I was scared to do it. My tattoo artist was like your art is really good, because he would see my artwork on Instagram, like I don't post on my page. I posted my stories, which is usually means and whatever art he's like. You should really be a tattoo artist because your scripts is good, your art is good and I'm just like yeah, yeah, but like I'm very light-handed and I don't know if it's gonna show. So I started working on fake scanning and he let me actually tattoo some people and I do big. He told me don't go small, go big. So I do big tattoos. I did somebody's entire back with the version, with the version of Guadalupe. You know it's really. I'll send you a picture of like the tattoos I've done.

Speaker 2:

I think I know none of them is into your discord, but I'll send them to you you started this.

Speaker 1:

You said this year, this year, and how many have you done so far? Like 20, that's fucking crazy. What it's May? Oh my god like 20.

Speaker 2:

It was just crazy because I set a standard for myself if you're late. Well, if you don't send me what you want done and where you want it done by maybe two hours before the session, I'm not doing your tattoo. And if you go to book me for the same day for the same tattoo, I'm adding $100 to that tattoo.

Speaker 1:

Hell yeah, alright.

Speaker 2:

Because you know, time is money and I don't play about my time or my money. Now, that's dope.

Speaker 1:

I think I have a new role model. What the fuck.

Speaker 2:

Listen, I've been poor before I know what it is to just not have it. Not have a place to stay, not have any food to eat. So when it comes to like businesses and doing what I want to do, I make sure I do it. Like I am all head in tunnel vision, I make sure it's done. Everything else you know I procrastinate, because most of us on Twitch is procrastinators yeah, but when it comes to business stuff and getting to money, I'm going to get to the money.

Speaker 2:

That's dope Getting to the money is never an issue for me, it's just sometimes how am I gonna get to it?

Speaker 1:

and then, I figure it out that's dope. I love that. That is the type of mindset that a lot of us need to be on. God damn, since we didn't hit this point.

Speaker 2:

Chef, you're also a chef yeah, um yeah, I'll be cooking like my. Now. Some of my food is in Tia's discord, so you can go back and look. I just posted some video that I made yesterday.

Speaker 1:

All right, who you made? No, we're not having this conversation.

Speaker 2:

And I make it the right way. So it takes three days for it to actually be made.

Speaker 1:

I'm so hungry right now.

Speaker 2:

But my. So I'm the youngest of five. Everybody is eight to 13 years older than me, so I had to just be around my mom all the time, and she's a classically trained chef, so I used to be in the kitchen with her cooking when I was like a toddler. Because, nobody wanted to play with me. You know a little rug rat.

Speaker 1:

Too young, get out of here, yeah, a little brat.

Speaker 2:

Now look at them, I'm more successful than my siblings.

Speaker 1:

Of course, that's how it goes.

Speaker 2:

He lives in London now, but he does the same thing that I do and it started from there, so I learned to cook through my mom. I didn't really take cooking seriously until I was about 23.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

And that's when I started trying to make things from other cultures. I think Chinese food was the first thing I learned how to make, because me and her learned together. Chinese food was the first thing I learned how to make, because me and her learned together, and then, by the time I was 26, I was actually a sous chef at a French restaurant in Beverly Hills called Bouchon in Beverly Hills. So, French food is actually my favorite thing to cook.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Despite me always eating tacos and Mexican food and Latin food, french food is like my favorite thing to cook, so I do that. I wanted to open up my own restaurant. I still might. It's gonna be like a lunchtime only restaurant, okay, where you know there's chicken salad and tuna salad.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I was high when I thought about this I'm about to say what the hell are you about to?

Speaker 2:

say, I made turkey salad, so like I got a turkey, I got a turkey loin that you can get by Butterball Okay, that is a I don't know what they do to it, but it's so damn tender and I made a turkey salad out of instead of chicken salad and my best friend was just like oh no, this is. This is really good. And I didn't do nothing but like add mayo, some pimento peppers, garlic, chives to it, black pepper I think I said black pepper and salt and that was it.

Speaker 1:

That sounds good.

Speaker 2:

It was fine. That sounds delicious, and my mom loves it and I was like I can do this, and so I did a seafood salad and I said the lunchtime restaurant would just be the different salads. And open only during lunch, because I know people like to eat light on their lunch. You don't want to have like a five course meal and be in the office pool. You know exactly. So I still might do it.

Speaker 1:

I don't know, but that's dope it's in the car on the podcast it's out there now it's in the world.

Speaker 2:

So and my hip-hop brunch spot. But we already have that, but I want one to be like actual hip-hop, like yeah, mooting tight like I want a bologna I want a fried bologna sandwich on the menu yes, oh my god, I might go buy some bologna today. That's what's gonna happen called the odb special or something you know listen old, dirty bologna special all right.

Speaker 1:

That bullshit you said about not being able to pick names is a lie. That's a great ass name pick names.

Speaker 2:

when it doesn't come to me, I can make names for everybody else.

Speaker 1:

All right, I got you, got you.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, so it's—.

Speaker 1:

Dirty baloney.

Speaker 2:

And so I did a cooking competition a couple years ago. It was a global competition for the James Beard Foundation and I placed top 10. So I'm sorry to all you Twitch chefs Like top 10.

Speaker 1:

I'm the best chef globally.

Speaker 2:

Like I'm the best amateur chef globally.

Speaker 1:

Like I'm a James Beard chef my God I would be talking so much shit. I talk shit all the time.

Speaker 2:

No, I don't talk enough shit Like I'm very humble People learn my lore on Twitch in doses.

Speaker 2:

And they're just like you did If I list all the names that I've worked at. I've worked for MTV, the NFL Network, Fool's Gold record label, EA, Rockstar, Riot Games. I've worked on so many games, Was it Mass Effect, Andromeda, Madden, 17, 18, 19, Sims 4, Battlefront 2, Battlefield 1, Apex Legends, Red Dead Redemption 2, Red Dead Redemption 2, League of Legends, Valorant and 2XKO, which it was actually Project Lion when I was working on it, and I have all those games under my belt. And then the indie game, Jadu Fighting AR, which is a mobile fighting game that you can use with alas and NFTs.

Speaker 1:

Goddamn what. How does Nope.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I have all those games under my resume. And then, when I worked at Jadoo, I found out that I was actually actually known in the industry. Like, I may not be known to the masses, but in the industry amongst my peers.

Speaker 2:

they know me. Plus, my brother worked in the industry for maybe about 15 years before I even did Gotcha. The original God of War artists worked at Jaidu with me. We were the only two who actually worked on video games what they just did the art portion. He knew my brother but he was like Sian is coming to work here. Then, when I finally joined, and at the all hands, when they were just like we heard so much about you and this, this, and that I'm so excited to work with you and I was just like yeah, it's like how you know me, me, that's dope.

Speaker 1:

Now, fuck that humble shit. You'll be like yeah, you're right, it's just glad I'm showed up, you know what it is like, why I'm so humble.

Speaker 2:

It's it's because, like people put this coat on me, they'll hear the things I do. And they put this like lotus is super rich, she's done this, she's done that, she has this many properties, and I'm just like, but you don't know how hard I worked.

Speaker 2:

Like, right, exactly you don't know that I was actually homeless, sleeping in the car eating a mustard sandwich with no meat. That's where my will comes from, like when they say pull yourself up by the bootstraps and I hate that phrase. I actually did it right just because I hate being broke, and then I do it to take care of my mom as well. So it's just like I have a motivation to fire behind why I do things. I simply just don't want to be broke. I want to be able to buy the things that I want to buy. If I want some Gucci slides, damn it, I'll buy me some Gucci slides and not have to think twice about it, and I invest a lot of money.

Speaker 2:

I do a lot of things outside of gaming. Like I said, I'm a tattoo artist, I'm a chef, I love to cook, I mentor my tenants', kids. Instead of me buying a big old house, I bought a duplex in the hood. I live in the hood and I don't like living in the hood, but I miss my quiet neighborhood where I can walk my dog at 1 am and didn't have to think about it, but I bought one here in the hood. It's a duplex. My neighbor is a firefighter, single father, full custody two kids, two boys. I mentor them. I have an open door policy with them. They can come in my house. My door is unlocked for them.

Speaker 2:

They come in they can raid my fridge If they need help with their homework. I help them with their homework. One of them runs track. I coach him because I used to run track in high school.

Speaker 2:

We go over to the park across the street and we run some drills or whatever the other kid? He likes space. I love space. My autistic ass is always watching space videos. I can tell you anything I want about space and quantum physics, because I just sit there and just listen and study. So I'll help him with his science work. They're getting into cooking, so they'll come up here and I'll teach them how to cook. One of them loves lasagna. I bought him a pan where he can, where, like, the slices are very separate so he can make different lasagnas in one go.

Speaker 2:

So now I've talked. You know I love mentoring children, especially like black and brown kids, because we don't really have that. And on top of that I'm teaching them financial literacy, which is a big thing. Me and their dad are planning on buying a property next to our duplex and opening up a snow cold stand or an, an ice cream or an ice stand, and we're going to have the boys run it and then teach them how to balance checkbooks and aspire and bookkeeping and how to keep up with everything and ordering, inventory and stuff, just so they can know, because they we need to know these things.

Speaker 2:

We talk about eating the rich, but then what comes after you eat the rich? Because exactly you're eating the rich, because you want to become rich, because you feel like they need to help us out. Well, what happens after that? Right, what do you do with the money?

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm. Yeah, they don't teach that in schools anymore.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and that's where financial literacy come in. So we're going to teach them that and I teach them that. Now, like I'm very frugal, you know what I mean. I have properties in Bali. I got a place in Toronto. I got my grandmother's place in Brazil. I had a place in Atlanta that I actually gave the deed to the lady, the mother, I had renting out, and it was a big house. I got it on a tax lien Nine bedrooms, ten bathrooms. I put a Zen garden in the backyard. It had a gaming room, a theater room and a big ass kitchen with cascading stairs, cause I bought that from my mom and she didn't want it.

Speaker 1:

Damn.

Speaker 2:

So I rented it out for like 800 a month because I don't believe in being greedy. It was already paid for. My property tax a year was $400. And so you got to hook somebody up with a decent, like she was a she's a good tenant, you know, and I told her if you can't handle the property taxes, you know, just give me, give it to me, give it back to me, give me the deed back and it's in contract. So you know she ain't gonna try nothing. Funny, because my lawyers are good okay.

Speaker 2:

And I gave it to her. I was just like why?

Speaker 1:

keep renting it out. You got three boys you're a single parent here have it, it's dope. That is dope. Listen, all of these things that you're doing I know you say you don't brag about it, but the little bits that did your stream here is and the like people who are involved with you get to experience is shaping the perspective of all these people's minds, cause, like, some of these things you're talking about are not a possibility for younger, not a I don't want to say not a possibility. They don't know it's a possibility for them. Like, they're young and they see, oh, I'm watching YouTube, I'm watching TikTok, and they don't see this level of expertise and just care and thoughtfulness. So I was saying all that to say this like I love that you're doing this. I'm glad that we got to have this conversation so we can share this with other people and they can hear oh shit, I didn't even know that that was a thing. Did you have multiple properties? You could do that? Yeah, you can.

Speaker 2:

You just have to want it bad enough and push towards it and don't take no for an answer and I don't mind giving people resources, like if people kind of be like hey, I want to get a property, but I don't want to have to go through the mortgage route. Here's a website to the tax liens go to one for your state. Go to hudson and marshall.

Speaker 2:

Go to each one, because you can get a good size property for sometimes a hundred dollars that's crazy it's unfortunate that like it has to be a tax lien, because sometimes it's older Black people who can't pay for the property, or the kids because nothing is saved up, and I hate doing it sometimes, so I'm very meticulous about which properties it is and who it's coming from.

Speaker 1:

Yeah right, you're like oh gotcha Damn coming from. Yeah right, you're like oh gotcha, uh, damn, cc. I've had a silly amount of fun with this conversation. I keep telling people like I don't understand, like at this point I stopped, I stopped thinking about it.

Speaker 1:

But there are certain people you just link up with in life, like you just come across them in the stream or a piece of content and a bunch of shit that you think aligns with them, and I think that's how, like, community is formed. It took me forever to realize this community is important, like I was for the longest, like I would stream, get off and not say shit to anybody, and like I was happy with because all I was there for is just to stream. Now I'm more there for a space for people to relax and just chill, bring a positivity, because, like there's a lot of fucked up shit in this world right now and I know a lot of people can't deal with that on a day-to-day basis. So I try to keep my shit drama free. But I appreciate this conversation. This shit is like you sparked so many ideas in my head.

Speaker 2:

I'm like, oh fuck, okay, uh-huh yeah, all right, we've talked about, we've talked about the idea and hopefully, six months from now, you know, my stream will be a little bit bigger. I don't want to say big, but, like you know, just yeah a little bit bigger, because there are things that I want to do.

Speaker 2:

Like I said, I wanted to do a podcast, like once or twice on on stream a month. You know what I mean. I want to show people how to actually write a bug for when you sign up for open betas and closed betas and they ask you to let us know about the bugs. I want to show y'all how to actually write one. So it can be like oh, because sometimes studios will hire somebody if they see a really good bug report. I've seen it happen.

Speaker 1:

That's dope.

Speaker 2:

And just like little advice here and there or a cooking stream here and there. So hopefully I can get to that. You know I'm still like I said. Consistency with my stream is something I'm learning.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I'm learning to be streaming has also taught me to be patient.

Speaker 1:

True, yes, and.

Speaker 2:

I'm not patient, I'm instant gratification. I want it here and now yeah, same so it's and it's a slow burn, but it's it's worth it good, good, all right, cc.

Speaker 1:

We are going to do a shout out to all of your spots that you are doing this content creating. So, uh, where can people find your content?

Speaker 2:

On Twitch for now. Youtube will be coming soon, hopefully. I'll probably just start putting clips up so it can be something there. That's like baby steps, yeah, but if you want my chaos, so my Twitch is Black Lotus Gaming.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

If you want my chaos, you can go to my Twitter at Braziligotit and that has a little bit of everything on there. Okay, there is music, drama, me calling people stupid. Sometimes I argue with folk Very much degen, you know. Sometimes I wake up and just post like some off the wall things. So if you want that it's just laughs, my Twitter page is just laughs and for the shits and giggles, and sometimes it is my diary because I do go through things and I will put something up and then like tweet some funny shit after that, like JK. So if you want some fun or just to even interact with me, more Twitter. Twitter is the go to Instagram. I don't really post anything on Instagram for real. It's just Instagram stories, funny memes, my sneakers, sometimes my food and sometimes my art.

Speaker 1:

All right. Well, I will have all of her links in the description of this podcast and if you haven't already, follow and subscribe to the podcast, uploaded and Unfiltered. We're on every podcast catcher out there, I believe, but specifically apple music, youtube and spotify share this with a friend and if you have something you want to ask of the show, there is also a link in the description where you can send me a message, either voice message or a text message, and I'll read it or listen to it on the podcast and give you an answer. Unless it's now any question, I don't give a fuck. It's unfiltered, we're good. Other than that, asisi, thank you for doing this. I appreciate you. Thank you for having me. We're definitely going to do something else on this podcast. I'm not taking no for an answer, I mean unless you don't want to do it.

Speaker 2:

No, I'm going to drag you to do something with me in the podcast.

Speaker 1:

I mean I don't care Like.

Speaker 2:

I know who I want to do a podcast with, and it is you, so I'm there.

Speaker 1:

I'm ready. Let me know, but yeah, no, this has been so goddamn fun. I hope everybody out there had got something out of this. There's so many things to pull apart and again, go follow her on Twitter or on Twitch to bug her about her amazing life. Other than that, I will talk to y'all later and, as always, protect your mental, keep creating content and I'll see you in the next one. Peace.